The Incapacity to Care

Is there a point where a person can lose their capacity to care?  I don’t mean because of a brain disorder, like dementia, but maybe due to feeling so much grief, feeling over-burdened with pain.   Can a person be so diminished in having the capacity to care about others, even about those they have cared about for years?

In grief, I know I have felt so fatigued.  I have felt I could not do my best or give a lot of help to anyone for some time.  But I don’t think I ever stopped caring about anyone.

I wonder if some grieving people just stop caring - they don’t call, they don’t show interest in how another is doing.  Do they think of others but just not reach out?  I don’t know.  But I would rather it be that they just lost their capacity to care due to the weight of grief, rather than they just stop caring.  Then I could understand, then I don’t have to feel so neglected when a grieving person just doesn’t bother to keep in touch.  I don’t have to take it personally.  Don’t get me wrong.  I still reach out to them, but at some point, when the reaching isn’t reciprocated, it reminds me of feeling neglected, unwanted, as when “friends” don’t bother to call or meet up anymore.  That’s what it feels like - I don’t like that feeling.  But it’s okay if the person has just lost the capacity to care.  I understand.  No rejection, no blame.  That’s just life. And I pray that their grief will ease.       Theresa M

September

These crossover summer/autumn days are wonderful!  I feel so comfortable with these daytime temps in the 70’s to 80°, and nights 40’s to 50’s!  Perfect.

I feel so much energy to get all sorts of things done.  I do have to pace myself though due to arthritic pain in my hands and back.  But I’m enjoying this.  Scraping old metal rails and porches.  Re-painting.  Starting to gather up the fallen black walnuts (I make piles of these for a few weeks then bag them).  Will also be cleaning house and shampooing carpets.  And enjoy reading time on the porch - with the cats hanging out of course.  My cats on the screened-in porch, neighbor cats visiting on the back porch - their catio.

Luke and Lilly🌈 on porch 2023

August was a difficult month for several reasons, as electric lines and other things broke, Luke got sick for a couple of weeks (he’s good now) and anniversary of Lilly’s death.  And it was so hot!  Electric bill went up.  New budget for gas heat went up.  Everything went up.

But here in September I feel more in control, more relaxed.  Life is good when it is, and not when it isn’t:  could be due to anything.

Merci enjoying the sun on the porch

So I’ll take these good moments while I got them.  And October is coming up - my favorite month!  Hopefully these good days will roll right into the next.  Prayers and positive thinking.  It’s a way of life.  A good way.     Theresa M

Shoulder Pads for Everyday Use

OK.  This is gonna be weird.  You know how shoulder pads were really big in the 1980’s? To me they seemed a bit much, so I took them out of my clothes.  I liked the patterns though, so I kept a few.  Then an idea hit me.  A list called “101 Ways to Use Shoulder Pads.”  I have no idea why I came up with that, but it seemed silly at the time.  Although I never completely found 101, here is what I did come up with.  Let me know if you can think of any more.

 

1. dashboard dusting
2. keep propped up items against walls from scratching
3. ear muffs 
4. knee pads for gardening
5. stuffing for pillows
6. pet pillows!
7. bra stuffer
8. ankle protectors when breaking in new shoes
9. shoe arch support
10. general household dusting
11. window/mirror cleaning
12. extra padding on top of crutches
13. Barbie doll throw pillows and cushions
14. eyepatches - or play a pirate!
15. dog footies
16. drool or nose drip catchers
17. emergency wipes for cleaning or stopping bleeding
18. chair bottom of legs cover to keep from scraping floor
19. make animal toys - put catnip inside
20. baseball mitt extra padding
21. shoe shine
22. hamster or gerbil beds; mice love it too!
23. athletic support cushions
24. freeze them to use over eyes or forehead for headache
25. door knob bumpers
26. door/window draft stoppers
27. elbow pads
28. pin cushion for needles in your sewing kit
29. sweat pads
30. emergency feminine hygiene pads
31. pot holders
32. tailbone support on a chair
33. eyeglasses cleaner

So, have you tried any of these ideas?  I actually have!  The pin cushion for needles, shoe arch support, dusting, and pet pillows.  See, silly ideas can come in handy.  It’s good to just let yourself think freely and come up with ideas that may or not be of use.  At any rate, feel free to send me more ideas or come up with your own list of ideas for something.  And enjoy being silly.  It’s fun!   Theresa M

 

Carol Burnett GIF from Tenor