“I want to go home!” This was the frequent request of a mentally ill patient I worked with in the past on a locked psych unit. Actually many patients have said that frequently.
What stands out about, I’ll call him Mr. E, was his almost child-like innocence when he said it. Almost - because at times he could be loud and demanding. Wait, that can be child-like too. He was in his 50’s.
He was a bit slow mentally, and really didn’t understand his mental illness. I’m not sure what diagnosis they landed on him. Due to his mental limitations he was often involuntarily committed to psych inpatient because of odd behaviors and altercations with neighbors.
There were stretches of time when he took his meds, with the guidance of his family (but he lived alone, cut grass and shoveled snow for neighbors). Then delusions took over, having him think he didn’t need the medications. He would spiral down.
It is important to point out here sometimes there is a fine line of when a mentally ill person becomes “dangerous” to himself or others. And the danger is what hospitalizes them. That’s left up to the mental hygiene commissioner, other court officials, as well as psychiatrists/psychologists to determine.
Being a mental health technician, I had no say in the matter - that’s fine. I was there to watch over the patients, keep them safe, help them attend to their ADL’s (activities of daily living) and offer support/encouragement.
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Relatively, Mr. E was harmless. He did need guidance and direction. But he wouldn’t go to a group home. He in some ways was able to maintain his independence. I actually admire that.
I would often sit with him (as he would try to sit still) and talk with him. He often said “I just want to go home,” fidgeting, scratching his head, throwing up his arms. One time I asked him, “What would you be doing right now if you were home?” I was hoping to have him visualize a calmer situation.
“He smiled and said, “Right now? I’d be sitting on the front porch smoking a cigarette and drinking a cup of coffee.”
I loved his response! Such simple little pleasures for him. I told him, “There’s nothing like the simple little pleasures in life is there?” He agreed, grinning. (Actually I would disagree with the smoking part, he already knew that. But I didn’t bring it up, that was his choice of pleasures.) I reassured him he would get there in time. For awhile he accepted that.
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But yes, in their confinement and their illness, these patients want to go home. Home to them could be an abusive family, drug and alcohol users, poverty. Or it could be a better environment. But they all have their “picture” of home, being unconfined. Being somewhere searching for a simple pleasure of life. A freedom. Freedom doesn’t mean a life without problems, but it does mean a chance to really live.
Some days sitting out on my porch, in the comfort of my home, I think of Mr. E. And I hope he is home enjoying the simple pleasures of life. Theresa M.
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