“I apologize.” “I’m sorry.” I bet we’ve all said it more than once in our lives, whether we meant it or not!
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Apology - per American Heritage Dictionary: n.,1. A statement expressing regret or asking pardon for a fault or offense. 2. A formal justification or defense.
Justification!? - same dictionary: n., 1. The act of justifying or the condition of being justified.
Justify - same dictionary: v., 1. to demonstrate to be just, right, or valid. 2. to declare free of blame; absolve.
This puts things in a whole new perspective, if you didn’t see it before.
An apology is just a statement - a self-serving one at that. The person is likely trying to justify their behaviors. No wonder so many public apologies have been trashed by others, saying things like “it isn’t sincere,” or even denying it is an apology.
Regardless of sincerity, it is still only a statement. There is no action involved here. In order to show that one is apologizing to “express regret” or asking “pardon for a fault or offense,” there needs to be subsequent action.
Twelve-step programs refer to this as making amends - actually changing one’s previous behavior “to improve, to remove the errors in, correct” (American Heritage Dictionary description of the verb “amend.”) Thus making amends is “recompense for grievance or injury” (described in same dictionary).
So if someone apologizes, sure, go ahead and accept their statement. But it takes time to prove their sincerity. It takes subsequent action; it takes amends.
Alas, time will tell if their apology is justified! Theresa M.
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