How could I tell my 6-year-old self that she is loved, that she does matter? How do I tell her that many people hurt just as she does, but beware of those who will take it out on her, make fun of her or use her? Don’t be scared, child. You will find safety.
At 6 years old I loved to learn but didn’t like going to school. I would tell me to keep learning, keep going to school. At 10 years old, I would fear those grown-ups whose actions and words didn’t seem to be the same. I would tell me to be very careful - actions reveal their real intent. Avoid those who don’t match up if you can. Or tell someone you do trust about it. You will find truth, child.
My dear self at 14. Teenage years are probably the worst. Keep going to school no matter what, keep learning. I know you’re very shy, that’s okay, you don’t have to have a lot of friends; try to have one or two that you learn to trust. Yes, sometimes it is easier just to drift away with music and fantasy - to dream of a safer place out in the country, away from the chaos.
Remember at 12 years old when you had that first experience of feeling total powerlessness in what happens in life? Frightening yes, but that is life with a lot of things. Trust in God to be the power for you. People will come and go. God will stay with you. You only need to stay with Him. No, He is not punishing you. Some people just want to make you feel bad. You are not alone, my child.
So much loss, pain, suffering, sadness yet you’ve reached 18 years old. Where to now? Yes, decisions are difficult when you don’t believe in yourself. Perhaps you will fall a few times, but you can rise again and try again. There are many paths - all of them will teach you lessons. And within all the lessons you can be a teacher or a student. You will always have worth regardless, whether or not you believe that. You will find faith.
I could never tell my younger self there would be times of wanting to end life, or that at times emotional pain would seem much too hard to bear. If I do that we might never live, might never have experienced the joys along the way, the moments of delight.
Or find the love for God’s earth and creatures. We might never have known the truth, we belong to God. We learn to trust in Him and depend on His strength, to trust in His direction, and to hope for everlasting peace when it is time to leave earth, where “I would hurry to my place of shelter, far from the tempest and storm.” (Psalm 55:8)
Hey little girl, I love you. Hang in there; all will be well in time. Trust in the Lord and the direction He takes us in life. Theresa M
(This is dedicated to all the children who are separated from their parents, alone, lonely, poor, and in need. Remember them in your prayers.)
Little Girl
The little girl that I am
wore hair of blonde curls
and summer raindrops
with ornery smiles
hiding from fears and hurts
tearing away in her heart.
From the start of life
and onward then
this little girl searches
for someone
in the world to hold her close
and say words that show
belonging is real.
So that everything I
feel and ever did
would be worth something -
would not be in vain
for all the pain
from those who left me
not chosen, not wanted,
only needed and used.
My little girl inside me
sits quietly bruised
no more of these heartaches
can she bear
no more of the sorrows of life
with no one to share.
The little girl that I am
grew up in pain
abused and abandoned
life left in random
as I choose no more
this way to feel -
I let go - to go away,
to heal.
Theresa M
No comments:
Post a Comment