For I Was Hungry

As a child I was hungry a lot.  My parents did their best to feed us.  Government “commodities” was a thing for awhile- boxes and cans of unlabeled generic foods (ugh! including powdered eggs!)  Then food stamps offered a way to get the “real” stuff in grocery stores.

Now it is called SNAP (Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program) with EBT cards.  I don’t have them, but I do live on the edge of possibly needing them someday, as prices on everything increase sharply but COLA on retirement does not cover these expenses.

by congerdesign on pixabay

At any rate, what happened recently really hit hard in my heart for those who rely on SNAP.  Abruptly, the program was stopped as the government shutdown continued into November.  But the fact is - it was not supposed to happen.  It was entirely unnecessary. There were already safeguards in the funding (within the USDA) that could and should have kept people receiving their much-needed sustenance.  

It was simply cruel and evil to use SNAP as a political bargaining leverage on the shutdown.  Yes, lots of things needed to be worked out in the budget, (a big one was health insurance premiums) and Congress had a duty to negotiate a plan. But they didn’t even bother to address the egregious act of stopping SNAP benefits.

Although the Supreme Court ordered the benefits to be sent out immediately, the executive branch petitioned that order - they wanted to continue halting SNAP - this just doubles down on the heinous act.  Not only that, but the Supreme Court allowed a stay for their request.

Thus, all three branches of government were purposely letting people stay hungry.

What does it take to do the right thing these days in America?  How much loss?  How much pain?  How do governing officials dare to call themselves Christian when they so blatantly ignore Christ’s teaching?  Their actions are so inhumane.

I hope Thanksgiving this year will bring some enlightenment.    Theresa M.

link to Rhode Island's response to Brook Rollins, Sec of Agriculture in Supreme Court Docket 25A539

Rhode Island response

excerpts pages 31-36 

As Far as I Can See

I had a bit of a scare recently, involving cobweb-like figures.  No, it had nothing to do with Halloween.  It was the sudden appearance of floaters in my left eye.

Although I’ve long had those spots of floaters in my eyes, this was different.  I was out shopping and looking at items near a backlit aisle.  Suddenly I had little flashes of light in my upper left eye.  I have had them occasionally in the past.  Generally I go somewhere to sit in a darkened room till they pass.  But that was not an option here.  The flashes stopped within a few minutes, but a cobweb-like floater was in my line of sight.  Only in left eye, not right eye.

by KristenDawn on pixabay

I managed to drive home.  I had to put away groceries, etc.  The floaters were annoying and continued through the weekend, so I called for an eye doctor appointment.  They saw me within days.

The floaters are normal and will come and go.  But they also found blood in the vitreous gel, unable to identify what caused it.  Should heal up on its own.  No surgery needed.  Check back in two weeks unless anything gets worse (not likely to).

How fortunate there was no retinal tear or I would have had surgery.  I think the stress of moving heavy furniture that same day the flashes happened may have caused the bleeding.

I have got to learn to take it easy.  Getting older means learning to accept limitations of some things.  Not that it is an excuse to do nothing and just wither away.  It is just important to adjust to the changes going on in my entire body.  Even checking on what vitamins to take for eye care as an example.

by KristenDawn on pixabay

I am so grateful for the gift of sight.  I do not take it for granted.  Every day I depend on seeing things to get me through life.  I cannot imagine going blind - I would be devastated.  Being so independent, it would crush me to have to rely on others for every little thing.  Even my cats, how could I care for them?

Thank God for helping me thus far.  I pray my eyes will continue to work, to literally see me through to the end of my life.       Theresa M

Cat Big Eyes GIFfrom Cat GIFs

Feline Fun

What a delight to have a back porch where cats come to congregate!  They’re not even my cats, but the neighboring ones.  For some reason, the two black female kittens, their big orange brother and their calico mama have been hanging out for months now.  It’s their catio, to bask in the sunshine all day.

I started giving them treats early on (kitten chow for the little ones) and of course they came back, expecting more.  I do think they’d keep coming around anyway, since there is space for them where all is safe and comfy (and they get away from the big dogs they live with!)  Their own porches are small.

They like to frolic in the yard as well, rolling around on crunchy leaves and playing with stems.  I dangle a string and they all pounce on it. The kittens and big orange brother love scritches, but mama cat hisses “no!” for herself.

Whenever I open my back door I am delighted to see their bright eyes light up as they jump and press their paws on the screen, meowing their greetings.  My two cats (indoor only) are a bit jealous and on occasion hiss at them (they also see them walking by when we are in screened catio on side porch).  I do think the larger black kitten has a crush on Merci and vice-versa!

The neighbors did have them all fixed (thank goodness!).  And how fortunate they do have a place to go inside if the weather is bad.  I have a big box covered with plastic on my porch in case they miss curfew.  They like to nap in it, and on it.

I wish more people would spay and neuter and shelter cats.  It would be a wonderful world of feline fun.  There is room for cat sanctuaries everywhere.  God bless those folks who trap, neuter, release (TNR) and provide so many services to our feline friends.       Theresa M

PS - There is also another cat, not from the same family, who started visiting months ago.  She looks well-cared for.  She doesn't come around as often because the above cats hiss at her.  I call her Chica, she is very sweet with me.  This picture below is from January, but she has been by at least monthly.  Adorable tuxie girl!      

The Incapacity to Care

Is there a point where a person can lose their capacity to care?  I don’t mean because of a brain disorder, like dementia, but maybe due to feeling so much grief, feeling over-burdened with pain.   Can a person be so diminished in having the capacity to care about others, even about those they have cared about for years?

In grief, I know I have felt so fatigued.  I have felt I could not do my best or give a lot of help to anyone for some time.  But I don’t think I ever stopped caring about anyone.

I wonder if some grieving people just stop caring - they don’t call, they don’t show interest in how another is doing.  Do they think of others but just not reach out?  I don’t know.  But I would rather it be that they just lost their capacity to care due to the weight of grief, rather than they just stop caring.  Then I could understand, then I don’t have to feel so neglected when a grieving person just doesn’t bother to keep in touch.  I don’t have to take it personally.  Don’t get me wrong.  I still reach out to them, but at some point, when the reaching isn’t reciprocated, it reminds me of feeling neglected, unwanted, as when “friends” don’t bother to call or meet up anymore.  That’s what it feels like - I don’t like that feeling.  But it’s okay if the person has just lost the capacity to care.  I understand.  No rejection, no blame.  That’s just life. And I pray that their grief will ease.       Theresa M

September

These crossover summer/autumn days are wonderful!  I feel so comfortable with these daytime temps in the 70’s to 80°, and nights 40’s to 50’s!  Perfect.

I feel so much energy to get all sorts of things done.  I do have to pace myself though due to arthritic pain in my hands and back.  But I’m enjoying this.  Scraping old metal rails and porches.  Re-painting.  Starting to gather up the fallen black walnuts (I make piles of these for a few weeks then bag them).  Will also be cleaning house and shampooing carpets.  And enjoy reading time on the porch - with the cats hanging out of course.  My cats on the screened-in porch, neighbor cats visiting on the back porch - their catio.

Luke and Lilly🌈 on porch 2023

August was a difficult month for several reasons, as electric lines and other things broke, Luke got sick for a couple of weeks (he’s good now) and anniversary of Lilly’s death.  And it was so hot!  Electric bill went up.  New budget for gas heat went up.  Everything went up.

But here in September I feel more in control, more relaxed.  Life is good when it is, and not when it isn’t:  could be due to anything.

Merci enjoying the sun on the porch

So I’ll take these good moments while I got them.  And October is coming up - my favorite month!  Hopefully these good days will roll right into the next.  Prayers and positive thinking.  It’s a way of life.  A good way.     Theresa M

Shoulder Pads for Everyday Use

OK.  This is gonna be weird.  You know how shoulder pads were really big in the 1980’s? To me they seemed a bit much, so I took them out of my clothes.  I liked the patterns though, so I kept a few.  Then an idea hit me.  A list called “101 Ways to Use Shoulder Pads.”  I have no idea why I came up with that, but it seemed silly at the time.  Although I never completely found 101, here is what I did come up with.  Let me know if you can think of any more.

 

1. dashboard dusting
2. keep propped up items against walls from scratching
3. ear muffs 
4. knee pads for gardening
5. stuffing for pillows
6. pet pillows!
7. bra stuffer
8. ankle protectors when breaking in new shoes
9. shoe arch support
10. general household dusting
11. window/mirror cleaning
12. extra padding on top of crutches
13. Barbie doll throw pillows and cushions
14. eyepatches - or play a pirate!
15. dog footies
16. drool or nose drip catchers
17. emergency wipes for cleaning or stopping bleeding
18. chair bottom of legs cover to keep from scraping floor
19. make animal toys - put catnip inside
20. baseball mitt extra padding
21. shoe shine
22. hamster or gerbil beds; mice love it too!
23. athletic support cushions
24. freeze them to use over eyes or forehead for headache
25. door knob bumpers
26. door/window draft stoppers
27. elbow pads
28. pin cushion for needles in your sewing kit
29. sweat pads
30. emergency feminine hygiene pads
31. pot holders
32. tailbone support on a chair
33. eyeglasses cleaner

So, have you tried any of these ideas?  I actually have!  The pin cushion for needles, shoe arch support, dusting, and pet pillows.  See, silly ideas can come in handy.  It’s good to just let yourself think freely and come up with ideas that may or not be of use.  At any rate, feel free to send me more ideas or come up with your own list of ideas for something.  And enjoy being silly.  It’s fun!   Theresa M

 

Carol Burnett GIF from Tenor

Do Your Best

Something I saw on Bluesky got me to thinking about my work history.  A simple little meme - I think it’s a hamster, maybe a gerbil, sitting at a desk with cup of coffee. Question: “What do you do for a living?  Answer: “I do my best.”

unknown source

For me being retired, I would use the past tense:  “I did my best.”

A simple yet profound statement.  I worked many jobs either part- or full-time and temporary ones.  A few I got fired from; some I quit, some went out of business.

Battling the demons of addiction and depression, I struggled throughout those years, even in recovery.  So I did my best, basically to survive.  That is the exactly the right way to summarize it all.

Now being retired, having the opportunity to write when I want, fix things, be free from bosses (ha!) I feel so much more content.  How fortunate I am, even if I am poor.  My spirit, my sense of well-being is much improved.

I hope others don’t have to struggle so much as I have.  Life is hard.  There are no guarantees for job security.  All I can suggest is take care of yourself.  Stick to positive principles, be honest.  Be true.  Ask for help when you need it.  Just do your best.      Theresa M

📷 selflovehannah on IG

Fix It Myself

Well I’m at it again.  Finding ways to fix things on my own.  If I absolutely do need help with something I will ask someone for that help.  But I like the challenge of learning and doing things myself.

Recently I wanted to get back into an old desktop computer with Windows 7.  I do not connect online with it any more due to it no longer being supported/secure.  However, I wanted to ensure that I had transferred all photos and videos from there to the cloud storage.

📷 geralt on pixabay

I was able to sign in and look around.  Before reviewing pics, I decided to remove a Linux application I had put in years ago.  Just on a whim - didn’t need to do it - but I deleted the space it was allotted by Windows.  I logged out. Well, since I didn’t look up the proper way to delete it, the computer decided to give me a grub error when I tried to log back in.  Couldn’t get past it.

It took lots of searching about grub errors, commands, etc.  Bottom line is I needed help.  But heck no way I wasn’t gonna pay for computer service for an old desktop.  Tried my best to download a Windows 7 repair boot on another computer, but couldn’t find a free one.

So I spent a little money to buy a disc that had it.  It was perfect.  Ran into some more requests for certain commands, to fix partitions, etc etc.  But I did it!  I got through!  I fixed it myself.  And I got to see my old pictures and videos - a few of which I did not, in fact, have in the cloud already.  Thank goodness I can retrieve them now.

Some of you might have no idea what I’ve been talking about: grub errors, partitions, commands.  You know what?  Neither did I know what they all were till I researched them by using Google, Duck Duck Go, and YouTube Videos.  So much learning is easy to obtain these days.

I love the challenge.  I feel good about at least trying, even better accomplishing these tasks.  Now I’m off to learn something easy - replacing the toilet fill valve.  I’ll let you know how it goes.  Theresa M

📸 my pic Luke & Lilly 2017 from the archives

PS - The toilet fill valve replacement was a breeze!  Thanks YouTube!

Comfort

A mourning dove is cooing.  Other birds are singing.  The nearby pond is trickling water.  A slight breeze attempts to soothe me with some coolness this warm summer morning.

📸 GeorgeB2 on pixabay

There is lots of shade here too.  I feel comfortable.  Although in the distance I hear vehicles passing, but mostly for now just nature sounds comforting me.

I’ve always wanted to live out in the country, with grasslands and fields, some chickens and maybe ducks in a pond.  I guess this is the closest I’ll ever get to a life in the country.

Sometimes I wonder, if the things and experiences we hope for, at least the good and decent ones, and yet we can never achieve here on earth, might just be what’s in store for us in heaven.

Heaven.  Those country roads will be endless.  Blue skies and a few puffy clouds.  Green pastures with cows munching.  Ducks swimming in ponds.  Chickens pecking at their grain.  Cats and dogs (yes, all my pals from my life) playing and lounging about.  Sweet songbirds in concert, featuring the coos of mourning doves.  Then in the evening, one of my favorite sounds - crickets and tree frogs harmonizing.  Lightning bugs glowing all around.  A full moon illuminates the whole scene.

Oh, to be forever at peace.     Theresa M

📸 unknown source

poem by Georganna Hancock, author.
friend on Bluesky
@glhancock.bsky.social

poem by GL Hancock used with permission.

photo of bale of hay in field by Monsterkoi on pixabay

Summer Other Time

Often I have noted that my favorite season is autumn.  But summer has just started.  And it begins with an intense heat wave, above 90 degrees temperature, high humidity, and night temps no lower than 72 degrees.

Usually we don’t have a mess like this till late July or August.  But here it is.  I feel fortunate to have air conditioning, although with increased utility cost I keep setting it no lower than 76 degrees.  And run a fan here and there.

Well, at least seasons come and go.  But I’d rather this one would be summer other time.  😎☀️

Stay hydrated! 💦💦💦💦         Theresa M

my cats Merci and Luke**

        

**pic is of my cats Merci and Luke; background with pool is provided by Bluesky pal Janis McEldowney.

      

Parable of the Map

Once I went driving under the influence of a deep depressive state.  Mindlessly going along back country roads toward no particular destination.  There was beauty all around in the hillsides, trees, flowers, birds.  I did notice.  I wanted to be among them.  I wanted to live out there, somewhere, in the quiet places.

📸 adege on pixabay

Some roads were rough, narrow, with sharp turns.  Hardly another car in sight.  Yet I went on. 

Somehow I came upon a county road that actually had a sign for a main road.  I  sat there for a moment, trying to decide if I should bother to return to the city, or continue on my way to, what shall I call it?  My escape route.

I chose to go back to the main road.  Despite depression, I knew I wasn’t thinking as clearly as I needed to be.  I knew I needed to get back home and face sorrow head on.  We’ve got to feel our feelings, or else be lost.

📸 country road family photo

Luckily without a map that day I found my way back.  Having a map to use in the beginning to set a course would seem a logical step.  But who takes time for that?  And certainly not when depressed.

How fortunate too, I find that I had enough experience built up by using keys.  I have had the warmth of light to comfort me.  I have been able to learn my own strengths and weaknesses, accepting my limits.  In early recovery I wrote many journals full of despair and pain.  I burned them and felt relief as each page turned, curled up as smoke lifted and blew away.  I’ve learned to treasure what is good and hold onto it, whether or not it is tangible - it has its place and meaning.  Being open-minded, I could free myself of grudges, and not let hate take root.  I can discern what or who is worthy of my time.  I can make my own choices.  I must bear my own consequences.  Others may be cruel and cause suffering among us, but that does not have to change our true selves.

We all need to find our personal North Star.  The internal map, the inner guide.  We can get through this.    Theresa M

PS - We can always find our way, even when there seems to be no way.

wallpaper image unknown source

Parable of the Key

Keys have been around for thousands of years.  Everyone has something they want protected, from those tiny keys for diaries, to our doors, our cars, and safe-deposit boxes.  Yet many locks can easily be picked,  Why bother?  Well, I think there is a feeling of safety and security we get from having our keys.

kitty diary - my pic

A key is a tool to get through a blockade of some sort.  And of course some use substitute tools to get through.  So I figure there is a right way and a wrong way to go your own way.

That makes me think of the Bible verse Matthew 7:7-8 NIV:

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.”

To me that means Christ is the key.

OK, so maybe you are not religious, or a spiritual type of person, but surely you believe there are powers greater than yourself?  And I would hope you have respect for certain principles, eg, compassion, honesty, justice.

So we all search for the right keys to get through life.  Once we find the right key we hold onto it.  Remember that panicky feeling when we lose our keys?  Yep!  That is how important it is to have your keys.

📸Schluesseldienst on pixabay

As far as giving someone the key to your heart, well, as with anything there is a risk.  Good luck with that!

Can you imagine a world without keys?  I can’t.  There is no way trust will ever be that strong.  Nor respect.  Nor lawfulness.  Yes, our world needs keys to keep our worst instincts from trampling the rights of others.  I just wish those who break the law - who are getting away with it - would be behind bars where they cannot have the keys to free themselves.  But they get away with things as they use other tools - and fools - to do their bidding.  Wait till they go knocking on the Lord’s door!  He holds the final key.       Theresa M

PS - “Knock-knock”  “Who’s there?”  “Me”  “Me who?”

           “Me who lost my keys!”

📸cocoparisienne on pixabay

Parable of the Lamp

A neighbor was cleaning out the house nearby where her parents lived till their death.  She offered me a set of lamps for free.  Beautiful clear base, simple white covers.  When I got home, I was delighted to see not only the bulb at the top worked, but an additional switch for the base lit up - warm crystals of light emerged.

my pic of Lilly🌈

Lamps come in all shapes and decor.  To me, simple ones are the best.  Lighting for reading, cooking, keeping me feeling safe.  Whether powered by electricity, oil or battery, the lamp brings me out of the darkness.

How often I have depended on lamps.  I have them in every room.  Desktop ones, tall ones.  All I need to do to feel safe is turn on a lamp.

Darkness can never defeat the light.  We have only to reach out.  Kind of like prayers.  Send out the need and receive.

my pic crystal base lamp 

Recently I was awakened at night by a tornado warning.  The first thing I did was turn on the lamp next to the bed.  Instantly, I could see before me what I had to do (cats into carrier, emergency bag, etc).  Without having the light to guide me, I may have fumbled and stumbled (and easily lose a cat!).  But we were all snug and safe and the danger passed.

We all need light.  Not that darkness is all bad.  It has its place with nighttime creatures, crickets, moonlight and such.  But other kinds of darkness can be cold and cruel.

Remember:   “The light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it.”  John 1:5 NIV

Additionally:   “Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.” Psalm 119:105 NIV

We all need to light the way for one another.       Theresa M

PS -  Where there is darkness, let there be light.~ St. Francis of Assisi

my crystal base lamp with Rumi quote

Parable of the Stone

Everywhere, all over the world, I exist.  I am on the ground at various levels, in the streams, rivers, and oceans, even in your own backyard.  Do you notice me?  I vary in size and shape, often polished and rounded by years of wind and water.  I am but a tiny piece of a large rock.

📷 my pic

Sometimes I am even worshiped, or at least held in high esteem.  I can give comfort and strength; some say I provide wisdom and protection.

Many wear me in costume.  Or set me up in fountains and pathways.  Some even collect me and keep me bottled up in their homes.

Do you know the significance of stones?  Do you see me and feel connected to the earth?  I am so common, perhaps you don’t think of me at all.

There are stones of white that humans have placed on gravesites, beautifully glistening in the sun.  There are cobble-stoned streets for humans to walk upon a path that leads to wherever.  Some people unfortunately have used stones to throw at others to harm and shame them.  How cruel.  We are here for unity, not division.

📷 TimHill on pixabay

One way to throw us around is actually okay.  Skimming stones.  See how many times I can hop up and down on the water’s surface.  Oh, what fun!  Stones and water have a long history, a deep connection.

For what it’s worth, I am here for you.  And only a stone’s throw away.        Theresa M

PS - All stones are rocks, but not all rocks are stones.   Each piece has its own strength and purpose.

“I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples,” - Mother Teresa

📷 Tove85 on pixabay

Parable of the Clock

Silently I sit, but my hands move.  You know I’m here.  You look over to see what time I’m displaying.  Sometimes you seem anxious, until you get a phone call.  Other times you see me and you get wide-eyed, jump up, run about the house, then abruptly leave.

🎨 my painting "It's About Time"

What did I do?  Aren’t I here for you?  Even without you looking at me I exist.  I steadily move forward (except of course those times you force my hands to move ahead or back an hour - what’s up with that?).

I wonder if you appreciate me at all.  From what I’ve seen, humans only can take so much of me.  They are mortal after all.  Yet I continue on.  Even if this fixture wasn’t here, I am still out there. 

I sometimes dream of leaving.  My second and hour hands break through this glass and run off together, making time go by so fast, we do.

🎨 Riina Maido, Finland

All of life depends on time to move forward.  But this clock in itself is not time.  It’s a container - it moves, it quickens, it shuts down, it even breaks.  You humans are like these containers - we both are time capsules.  But with or without this capsule, time lives on, infinitely.  Knowing that, do you get wide-eyed, jump up, run around the house and suddenly feel like you may soon have to leave?

I guess my alarm just went off.       Theresa M.

PS - Hmmm… we are time capsules.  We each only hold so much of it.  Floating along till our capsule dissolves.

📷 annacapictures on pixabay

Parable of the Pencil

Remember back to first grade, I would need you to hold me just so, to mark on a paper.  You would try your left hand and your right hand.  Sometimes the grownups would force you to choose what they thought was right for you, but you would learn along the way when left to yourself what was best for you.

We pencils were thick for your tiny hands, but soon you got to use narrower ones.  And you liked choosing various colors.  You would especially be delighted if you could have your own name imprinted on it.

Yes, we wore down the more you wrote or drew.  But we would get sharpened.  You loved the smell of the wood chips filing off.  You kept good care of us.  Having a pencil case was a great way to keep us all together.

📷 ds_30 on pixabay

But as the years went on, you used pencils less often.  Pens didn’t have it any better, as more people used their contraptions to type their words, or even just speak them.

Words.  So many words.  When you wrote them with the pencil, you could easily erase what you misspelled, or what you really didn’t mean to say.  You could take time to review your words, to get it just right.  The eraser was a good friend, kind of like a conscience.

Now, people spout out things on social media so impulsively; they insult, ridicule, curse.  Their emotions in the moment have no reins.  They are so impatient to point out their own view, they don’t stop to realize they are dealing with others who also feel emotions.  There is no eraser to monitor the message.

Too bad us pencils aren’t used as often anymore.  With our pal the eraser, we could help folks slow down, and think about what they want to say, or need to say.  Need they say anything at all?     Theresa M

PS - Perhaps keeping a written journal - actually written with a pencil or pen - can help us slow down and get in touch with what is really going on inside us.

📷 Domas on pixabay

Parable of the Button

You see me in all shapes and sizes.  And on various items.  Mostly clothes.

I am one button who lives in a box with about a zillion other ones.  We have been passed around to humans, what they say is “the next generation,” yet we sit here unused.  Not far from us is a machine that was used to sew clothes.

Anyway, nobody seems interested in us like they used to be years ago.  Humans used to open this box and toss us on a table, looking at all of our amazing colors and sizes.  I was known as a pretty blue one, with a tinge of green.  But back in the box we went.

What is it about clothes these days that don’t need replacement buttons?  Then again, there seems to be quite a lot of clothes accumulated by these humans.  Maybe they don’t bother with replacing us because they just toss out the whole item and buy another one.  What a waste, who does that?

I wonder where my fellow pretty blue buttons have gone?  I don’t seem to match up with any others.  I don’t fit in.  I guess humans must use that as another reason to ignore me.  I feel so alone.

I sit in this box among others also forgotten and unwanted.  Oh, to be out there helping a human hold it together.  Don’t they realize how much they need us?     Theresa M

PS - What used to be necessary things seem to become more and more unwanted; items passed down generation to generation, losing their value, becoming seemingly worthless.  So much material now is being replaced rather than reused or recycled.  What a waste our society has created. 

What did your ancestors treasure?

📷  bluemorphos on pixabay