Parable of the Map

Once I went driving under the influence of a deep depressive state.  Mindlessly going along back country roads toward no particular destination.  There was beauty all around in the hillsides, trees, flowers, birds.  I did notice.  I wanted to be among them.  I wanted to live out there, somewhere, in the quiet places.

📸 adege on pixabay

Some roads were rough, narrow, with sharp turns.  Hardly another car in sight.  Yet I went on. 

Somehow I came upon a county road that actually had a sign for a main road.  I  sat there for a moment, trying to decide if I should bother to return to the city, or continue on my way to, what shall I call it?  My escape route.

I chose to go back to the main road.  Despite depression, I knew I wasn’t thinking as clearly as I needed to be.  I knew I needed to get back home and face sorrow head on.  We’ve got to feel our feelings, or else be lost.

📸 country road family photo

Luckily without a map that day I found my way back.  Having a map to use in the beginning to set a course would seem a logical step.  But who takes time for that?  And certainly not when depressed.

How fortunate too, I find that I had enough experience built up by using keys.  I have had the warmth of light to comfort me.  I have been able to learn my own strengths and weaknesses, accepting my limits.  In early recovery I wrote many journals full of despair and pain.  I burned them and felt relief as each page turned, curled up as smoke lifted and blew away.  I’ve learned to treasure what is good and hold onto it, whether or not it is tangible - it has its place and meaning.  Being open-minded, I could free myself of grudges, and not let hate take root.  I can discern what or who is worthy of my time.  I can make my own choices.  I must bear my own consequences.  Others may be cruel and cause suffering among us, but that does not have to change our true selves.

We all need to find our personal North Star.  The internal map, the inner guide.  We can get through this.    Theresa M

PS - We can always find our way, even when there seems to be no way.

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